im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
