Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
