and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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