I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Me too!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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