I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
