There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I've blown a few things in my day
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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