i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and she was petting her beer can
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
