She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
