youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
