you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
