his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
