I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
