11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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