There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
