i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
