even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A+ Viking dick
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
