he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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