they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's always time for handjobs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
