this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
