The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
