just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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