How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
