So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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