Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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