She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
