Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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