is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I cut my penus on the lid.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Randomize
