Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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