It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
