I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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