Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
