Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
