I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
