hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
