It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
