when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
