she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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