somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
