In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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