the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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