My Higher Power is John Stamos
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
