this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
