Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
