so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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