I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
