I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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