I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
