guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
