# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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