i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
