"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
