i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
